I have been quiet this week because the rain hasn’t quite let up here. Note: I am about to share some personal events that I normally wouldn’t share on a blog but, ya’ll- the sky is falling. And I assume I am not the only one on earth that has felt this way- so we should talk about it- right?
In the midst of Sarah’s recovery and writing deadlines, 6 days ago my 13 year old son started having severe pain in his side and just returned to the hospital for the second time this week. We believe he will be fine- it is an uncommon issue with his intestine that they hope can resolve on it’s own- but the cause is unknown. So our son is on the third floor of children’s hospital tonight with Zac. Here he is looking cute for the grandparents and now apparently my blog.
And then a few weeks ago, while Zac and I were at Passion conference, my 11 year old daughter was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night, then ambulanced to a second hospital with a life threatening allergic reaction. We laid in an Atlanta hotel room for hours in the middle of the night paralyzed and unable to help. Kate’s great of course now.
My mother has spent the last several weeks with my grandmother who is on hospice, and like most of you I could continue presenting you with sorted difficult things in our life right now….
So the brilliant timing of all these events coupled with Sarah, means this reoccurring theme has woven it’s way into conversations:
You are under spiritual attack. Or Is this Spiritual attack?
And my answer is… I don’t know.
(I will say if it is you devil- it is below the belt to mess with my kids.)
What I do know:
There is a very real and very active battle and the prize is faith. God gives faith and Satan steals faith. God loves faith more than any other thing in us and Satan hates our faith more than any other thing.
Faith is the measure to which we believe God is God.
And Faith is the measure to which we let God be God.
And suffering can squash faith or build it.
Why God may let us suffer…
1. Jesus is best known through suffering.
Every stinkin’ time I want to be mad at God- he shows me Jesus. “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering.” And it’s happening- he seems to inhabit suffering.
2. I am getting stronger.
Hey- all this drama and all I can think is nobody is stroking- nobody is dead. I have a morbid but helpful perspective that I have never had before, a strength… I think… I should stop before I am pummeled by the Dark Lord. But I can run further and longer than I could before. I am not despairing… faith is growing.
3. I hurt for heaven.
Done and done. Come. But since I am not there yet-
4. I want more than ever for my life to mark something.
We are a breath but if I am here for just a minute- I’d like my one little breath to feel more like a mighty gust of wind. And that takes surrender and that takes perseverance and not wasting my minute away on facebook or hulu plus.
So it’s good. The apostles left persecution, “rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering.” acts 5
Hear me. It is an honor to suffer. It is a privilege. I want to know Christ and share in his suffering, and if that takes bouncing around way too many emergency rooms- so be it. I think.
My dear awesome friend Annie Downs just texted me these words….
The enemy is relentless BUT defeated!
Amen and amen and good night!
UPDATE: Conner is home from the hospital and on the mend. Sincerest thanks for prayers and encouragement today.