May, 2012

Delighting in the Chaos

Summer is here and normally these words make me giddy but the last few weeks have been riddled with some slight angst. Rather than my typical nostalgia attached to Red Hot Chili Peppers and sonic shushes and sun burnt faces, a few words keep repeating in my head.

I have so many children.

Ok- I need to be fair. Some of you reading this home-school an entire adopted tribe from Africa and are shaking your head in condescending shame at my 4, who happen to look spectacularly awesome and picturesque in this picture.

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15

July, 2011

9 Comments

I can’t

I cried tonight… actually I wept.

I haven’t cried much in the last few months. I’ve not been in denial that my entire life is changing, I just knew I couldn’t analyze it yet. I felt like transitions aren’t real life- they are on your way to your real life. So I wanted to wait, holding my breath till I could decide how life was going to be.

Our church changing and walking with people we love through it.

My husband’s job changing with it and a lot of unknowns.

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07

April, 2010

9 Comments

Everything and Nothing

Everything has changed and nothing is different.

We now have a son- he is alive in another world, very much ours. God knew before he was even conceived he would be an Allen. Someone else is taking care of him today, feeding him, helping him get dressed and hopefully teaching him to dance.

But today I drove carpool and started laundry and drank coffee, just like every other day. Nothing’s different but everything has changed.

Publishers and agents have my visions in their hands and may want to do something with all my dreams. They want me to write and create and do ministry in ways I never considered.

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26

February, 2010

11 Comments

In LOVE

We are pregnant! And we are completely and utterly thrilled! Like we are pregnant for the first time! Wednesday we mailed our dossier to D.C. and then it heads straight to Rwanda (yes Rwanda- Haiti is shut down as you know) in a few days! We know there is a child that God planned for us before time. We know that in part because of the feelings we both have in our gut. The feeling of surpassing peace mixed with we have to get this boy asap!

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02

February, 2010

10 Comments

Obedience or Sacrifice

Guilt. “Should everyone adopt or even foster?”

“And why do I feel guilty if I can’t get a peace about it?

“or my husband is not on board?”

Questions like this have come up a lot lately with so many in our community pursuing adoptions or fostering.

I have been preparing a study on the life of David- There have been many surprises as I have studied but one of the most convicting to me was the life of Saul.

Why did he lose God’s favor, where did he go wrong?

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28

January, 2010

2 Comments

The Price of Cool

So yesterday this one:

says, “It used to be hard work to be cool.”

to which I say, “What?! Now you don’t even have to work at it?”

To which he says, “Pretty much.”

Then today this one:

says, “I think I have gotten popular and I didn’t even do anything.”

I say, “What makes you think that?”

She says, “Because everyone was giving me high-fives in the carpool line.”

Geez!

SO needless to say we are undergoing some major priority shifting over here!

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27

January, 2010

3 Comments

Adoption Update

Yesterday we were fingerprinted and began our home study. While this is the beginning of a long road- It feels so right and we are so peaceful moving forward.

Our girls are so excited! They want a little brother and all of my children pray whole heartedly for the orphans in Haiti and Africa. My oldest son has always struggled with change and goes back and forth between excitement of the addition to the Allen football team and fear of how our family may change.

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11

January, 2010

2 Comments

Fear that isn’t Imaginary

Last night at 2 am my 10 year old little man burst into our room crying from a nightmare. I’m scratching his back picturing monsters and instead he tells me this story.

A man was kicking me and hitting me in our hallway but I could not scream for you because of my asthma.

My heart broke- this wasn’t childhood fantasy fear- this was real life fear. This is his everyday fear- no air- feeling helpless.

This isn’t a fear I can scratch his back and say, “Monsters aren’t real- go back to bed.” This is his reality. This monster is real.

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17

November, 2009

3 Comments

Get after it

Yesterday was gorgeous- one of those days you wish for all summer in Texas. And Nerf guns are one of the few toys my 9 year old still considers cool. So we lined up every gun and all 5 went to war, complete with bases and rules of engagement. Now Nerf guns are not like they used to be- these babies draw blood and could blow up small countries. Maybe not that violent but as you can see above- this was not child’s play. I actually felt nervous and when I got hit- it did sting and I actually wanted to retaliate against the small people that I brought onto this planet. It was really quite disturbing and totally exhilarating at the same time.