5 Things You Need ASAP- College Edition

This summer marks the end of an era for many highschoolers and other young people. Many people are preparing for their first time or their return to college. For most, college can be exciting and nerve-wracking in equal measure.

That moment when your parents head off, leaving you on your own for the very first time, can induce a nearly paralyzing fear. I had a similar fear when I was a freshman at the University of Arkansas, and when I dropped off two of my kids at college.

And so, I wanted to share five simple steps to take to ease the fear that comes with this new chapter of your life. These don’t only apply to freshman college students. Even as a senior, it is not too late to have a healthy college experience.

Step 1: Find a church.

A lot of the other things will fall into place If you do this. My son never joined a church until after college. But my daughter was so intentional about it. Kate visited two or three churches within the first three weeks, picked her favorite, joined the church, began to tithe, and found a mentor. She walked up to the pastor and asked him to recommend a mentor.

She was also involved in her newfound church. That girl was leading a Bible study by the end of her freshman year. She knew the families and was going to their houses for dinner. She put herself in the midst of a body, and that led to so many great experiences.

You can't wait long because the semester flies by. I would suggest visiting two to four of the healthiest churches, and then picking one. It’s important to remember that you won’t find a perfect church.

Become a member of your chosen church. Joining a church provides you opportunities to give, serve, be known, live in community, and disciple people. All of that comes in and out of a commitment to a local church.

Step 2: Find your spot.

There'll be a place that represents time alone with God. It probably won't be your dorm because you’ll likely be living with someone else. Find a spot for you to get away and meet with God. This space will come in handy when you need an escape from the craziness of everything, whether it’s outdoors, a library, or a coffee shop.

Your spot should allow you to pray and meet with Jesus. Pack your journal and Bible in a little bag and to go meet with the Lord.

I know you can meet with the Lord anywhere at any time. However, having that designated space helps you cultivate a safe place to get away from all the anxieties, disappointments, and difficult relationships you'll have to work out.

Visit this safe space regularly. You will look back on college and realize that visiting this place is one of your favorite memories.

Step 3: Find your mentor.

You need someone to pour into you, and you can find that in numerous ways. One might be through the church you join. Another one might be from a parachurch organization you get involved in.

My mentor shaped my life. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today if it weren’t for Michelle Bose’s passion and fire to teach me the Word of God, to evangelize, care about discipleship, and prioritize prayer in my life. My relationship with Michelle is one of my favorite parts of college.

You have to seek mentorship out. It's not going to find you. You have to acknowledge that you want to be discipled.

It might be an older girl in your church or a senior if you're a freshman. But I’d recommend someone outside of college who can really invest in you and help you grow. These are such pivotal years in your life. They're also years where you have more margin than you ever will. You can show up at somebody's house, even if they have kids, and help them with laundry and learn from them.

So, choose to invest in a family's life or choose someone else outside your college. This way, you’ll feel like you have a home and a person with whom you share mutual care.

Step 4: Find your people.

I’m a big advocate for living in community. By the second semester of freshman year, begin to narrow down these to people to God-loving friends you want to run with for the next few years.

Your people don't need to be perfect, and you don't need to have absolutely everything in common. Most importantly, tell them that you picked them. Say “I have a lot of friends, but I really want you to know me, and I want to do life with you in an intentional way.”

Begin to meet and go deeper than just having fun, hanging out, going places, watching movies, and talking about dating. Let them know you want to run after God together.

If you end up on a campus where those people are hard to find, I recommend looking in the right places. Every campus has a parachurch ministry. Look for one and ask to be directed to other people who are following God. These intentional choices you make in the first few months of college will set your course.

A lot of my college friends partied, and I did not. I was very tempted to, but I had already fallen so in love with God that I didn't want that. So, I was often lonely because there weren't a lot of other people choosing not to party. I ended up as the designated driver and caretaker on each night out.

I would go to the places they were going, but I didn't participate. I made lots of friends, and they knew that I didn't judge them. I constantly reassured them of that fact. I also had a few friends who loved God. They weren't in my sorority at the time, and there weren't many of them. So, I had to be really intentional to see them, but we had each other, and that helped feel less lonely.

You might be around a lot of people who don't know God, and that's great. Take that as an opportunity to love people to Christ. But you also need the few people who are committed to run with you, do life with you, and help you love God. And they don't have to be in your campus circles.

It'd be great if you have your people by the second semester of your freshman year because you'll be choosing where you're going to live the following year. You'll also be choosing what you're going to be most involved in.

Finding your people is the most important part of college. The people you run with will shape your life more than your academic activities. Of course, it’s important to prioritize doing excellent work in your studies because that will set you up for life. But your friends will shape you more than anything else you do in college. So, choose them well, choose them quickly, and commit to them.

The only common variable might be that you both are walking with Jesus. Do whatever you can to be doing ministry alongside each other. Your college memories might be built around watching God supernaturally show up and work through you. You could have the most spontaneous nights with your college friends, but it's those shared moments with Jesus that stand out.

Find people you can cry to when you feel defeated and lonely. Make sure you have somebody that you don't have to be anything for. Your freshman year of college is essentially you still being a kid who’s thrown into adulthood. So, you need safe places where you can be vulnerable.

If you're in college right now, and you don't have those close people or you feel like you’re not thriving, it's important to remember that most people would say that about their college years. It’s not that they weren't fine, or that there weren't moments of thriving, but there's a lot to figure out.

My daughter often says some of her loneliest moments were in college. And those moments fostered her intimate friendship with the Lord. Having no one else to talk to often reminds you of how deeply the Lord knows and understands you. So, not having a large group of friends is not always the worst part of college. It might just be your way towards a more intimate relationship with Jesus. Keep showing up and being honest with Jesus. 

Step 5: Find your passion.

Try a lot of different things during freshman year. Sign up for different things but try to hone in on the things you want to commit to and what you love the most by your sophomore year.

It’s equally important to remember that freshman year will look different for everyone. So, allow that to be whatever the Lord has, and then recognize that you have something to give in sophomore year. Even if you don't quite have it all figured out yet, there'll be people who have it a little bit less figured out than you. And you get to be a bed for them to cry on or someone to offer perspective.

Sophomore year can feel a bit scary and like a really sharp drop off because there are much fewer attempts to pour into you. But in that, you can set yourself up to be pouring into others. Don't just wait until your junior and senior years.

We spent a little bit of extra money on Kate’s bed for college. We got her a trundle bed that essentially made her room an escape for a lot of people who were in the chaos of college and needed to get away from their dorms or sorority houses.

Now, you might not need a trundle bed to pour into others. Find what best works for you and lean into it. Find a way that allows you to be a safe place for people. The most valuable thing for your ministry is to pursue Jesus, genuinely walk in holiness genuinely, and be a safe place for everybody to be their most genuine selves around you because everyone feels the need to be something for someone in college. So, becoming a safe space is really disarming and refreshing.