Hope For Rocky Relationships
Miss Kay Robertson from Duck Dynasty talked about her life and her family. It's fun to talk to the matriarch, Miss Kay, and to hear a little bit about her and Phil's story; which, if you didn't know, is coming out as a movie in theaters. Below is our edited conversation-
Jennie- I want you to share a little bit about your story with Phil and how the whole family began. Talk a little bit about how that happened with Duck Dynasty. Was that just the most surprising thing when it all unfolded?
Miss Kay- It was a shocker. Phil and I had been in the show for 10 years. It was just kind of a slow growth. We were slowly growing every year. It was the year that Willie wanted to come in with us, he bought into the company and came in with us. It wasn't too long after that that he said: "I'm going to get us on TV." And, of course, I said: "Oh, Willie, bless your heart. You can't do that." He said: "Yeah, mama I can." Of course, I didn't believe him, and yet, we got on TV for five years.
Jennie- It was so special! My son is an avid outdoorsman and so we would all watch it together and it just meant so much to all of us out there raising our kids together just to see the fruit of a healthy, strong family; as wild as you all were. You and Phil have quite an interesting story, and I don't know that everybody has heard it yet. Talk a little bit about how you all met and what the beginning felt like for you.
Miss Kay- We were high school sweethearts and all. I had a sadness to my life because I lost my daddy when I was 14. He died at 49 of a heart attack. My mother was dating after that so we were dating at the same time. That wasn't easy. She wanted to move to Oklahoma, but I became a problem because my boyfriend was in Louisiana. That is one of the main reasons why we went ahead and hooked up as early as we did because it was just the best thing. I told her: "Mom, I'm ready. I know I don't seem mature, but I'm telling you I can be that way." I was 17 years old when we got married. What was so funny about it was that I missed my last year of school, and I was just determined I was going to get my last year of school. But I didn't want to take the test, I wanted to go back, and I did as a married student over at Ruston High School where I graduated and got my diploma. I was just determined to do it, and I did it; even with a baby at home.
We just had some hard years there, but some good years. He played football and did really well.
We got our first job in Junction City, Arkansas. So, we went up there for Phil to be a coach and teacher, and I was just raising the kids at home. Then I got a job at the school as a secretary. Phil wasn't a Christian at that time.
Jennie- Right. So, talk a little bit about his journey, and just how that felt for you because it was messy. He's honest about that.
Miss Kay- Very messy. It started in college. They didn't have a lot of married college students, so a lot of the students who played football for Tech would do a 30-day retreat, which pulled him away from his family for 30 days. He was out with boys who were dating and wild. I think that's where Phil got off on the wrong foot by not living the good life of a husband and father. I hated that, but I just thought it was all because he was in college, and as soon as we got to our first job, he would quit that. When we got to our first job, the guy who hired him was just like the guys that played on the football team; so, they were drinking. He went right back into that life.
I didn't know God as my personal savior. I knew him. And I grew up always knowing who he was but I didn't have him the way I should have him.
Jennie- So you were persevering because of the kids, because of life; but you had to feel lonely in that season?
Miss Kay- Oh, I did. It seemed like you were embarrassed to tell people so you hardly had anybody to talk to about it because you didn't want to ... You just felt so embarrassed. It was hard. I remember sitting out all night just waiting for Phil to come home, he didn't come home. We had left the school, and we were in another little town, and he was doing another job. I had tried to talk to him about trying to leave that life, and not drink, I just made him mad. He said: "I just need for you all to move, to leave." Instead of him leaving he wants us to leave. I said: "Well, there's three boys and me and you want us to leave." I wanted to say: "Why don't you leave?" But I was so shocked about it that I just told the boys: "Go get a bag, pack some stuff, and we're just going to get away from him right now, it wouldn't be best for us to stay." So we went to his brother’s and spent the night. And then even his brother said, "I can't let you stay longer because I'm afraid of Phil."
The preacher at the church, who I'd talked to said": "We'll find you a place." They found a little house that you rented based on your income. I had a low income so it turned out to be our little house.
And that's what we did. But it was real hard for the boys to get their few things and leave.
Jennie- When did it change? What happened?
Miss Kay- This may have been the second time he did this, and he left this time. We were just going to carry on without him. I talked to the boys and they kept saying, "Mama, is daddy going to find us? Is he going to find us?" And I told them: "We're just going to pray for him every day and we're going to go on. You all are going to go to school, I'm going to go to work, we're going to church, we're going to do everything at church we can do to keep ourselves busy" because I knew that would be really hard for them without their dad.
It was a few months later, I came out from my lunch at work and there he was out by the truck. He was crying, he never cried. And he said: "I can't eat, I can't drink, I want my family, I want my family back." And I said: "Well, you know what it'd take to get your family back." And he said: "I won't drink anymore." I said: "No, you said that before and you couldn't stop drinking. No, you'll have to do much more than that." And then he said: "Well, I want to talk to that preacher." I said: "Okay, I can make that happen. But until you do, and that happens, you can't move back with us."
It took him two nights studying with the preacher. He told the preacher: "I'm going to check out everything you tell me because I don't believe you."
And the preacher said: "Well if I'd been running around with who you run around with, Phil, I wouldn't trust people either." So Phil liked him right off. He thought- he knows what he's talking about. So sure enough it took him two studies and then he was ready to change his life. The little boys were standing up there at the church before he was baptized, they were like "Mama, is he really going to be changed?" And I said: "Yes he is, he's got the devil living in him now, but he's going to have Jesus living in him." And they said: "Boy, that's what he needs." And I said: "Yeah, it is. It is exactly."
Jennie- How has that affected your faith, in general, of what God can do?
Miss Kay- I just know that I prayed for 10 years constantly. I lived with my grandmother telling me to fight for your marriage, and I did that. I prayed. I never thought of divorcing him, I never thought of wanting another man. I never think of anything except this marriage can be right, it can be good, but I'm going to have to fight for this marriage. And then after 10 years I was wondering, I really was. It just seemed like- Lord, I gave him 10 years, and he's not changing. I was pleading with God.
God changed him.
But I said to everybody around me when I really came to the Lord- "Even if Phil never comes around, me and my kids are going to love God and live for him, and we're going to have a good life, the best we can. But it's not a complete life, I want it to be all of us”.
Jennie- I think about that season of your life and all the fruit that has come from both your faith and his faith in you all's lives. I mean, you got to make a movie about your life. What would you say the banner over it all is, the story of the Robertson family?
Miss Kay- I say it's never give up.
Never Give Up On God.
Because if you had known the Phil before and even afterwards, you wouldn't believe it. You would have to say, "How did that happen?"
Jennie- Was it hard to forgive him?
Miss Kay- I think I have a forgiving spirit so I was able to forgive him easier than most. I think forgetting is harder than forgiving because you just have something come up that could've been from his past or something and it would be like a flashback to him doing that, but I got over it.
Jennie- When you think about the rest of the story and the people that God has brought into your son's lives, and the grandchildren you have, and now great-grandchildren that you're enjoying, what do you feel when you look at your whole family together?
Miss Kay- I'm so proud. I feel like I'm not worthy to have so much but I'm so blessed that I do. I talk with women all the time who are struggling either in their marriages or with their children. With their grandchildren, they're having a horrible time. Family members are not wanting to follow God. And they're like- "What did you do?" And I said- "It's not an instant thing it's prayer, long-suffering patience. It's a lot."
Many women I saw that their husbands did turn around. But there were some that they never did.
Jennie- What would you say to them?
Miss Kay- I say to them- There's a time. Because I say you fight for your marriage. But I've told two or three different sisters that I work with, and I'm talking about sisters in Christ, that their husbands ... We went through it all together. They had just taken off with another girl or something. And there's a time when God says-
"It's okay. It is the time." Then you can sever that because they've turned away, and you need to go ahead. That does give you the blessing of God to say- "It's okay, it's okay." But I'll tell you one thing. I would tell those sisters in Christ- you look good and hard for your next spouse. And you better look for a man of God or one that can be.
Jennie- That's good. We're talking about grace in this podcast season. We're looking at the book of Galatians. And somewhere in the story of religion and walking with God, even today in the church, we've really complicated it. When you tell your story, I want to say it's not always that simple but lots of times it is. Lots of times he just changes our life. What would you say your understanding of the simple gospel is?
Miss Kay- I learned that the simple gospel is-
Jesus coming to earth for me, getting on that cross and dying for me, and for everybody else, but for me I'm talking about now, and then he went in that tomb and stayed three days and came up for me. He went back to heaven to be with God so he could hear our prayers for me. One day he's coming back to get me.
I mean, nothing else is more important than that.
Jennie- I'm thinking of the person that's in addiction, of any kind, that is listening to this story and they can't believe it. They can't believe because they've wanted this, they've prayed for this. They've prayed that God would save them, that God would change their desires. What would you say to them having watched Phil walk through that?
Miss Kay- That if Phil can give up his drunkenness, his fight, his adultery, all those things ... There were many more sins, I just can't list them all, that was going on. And if you'd have known him you would've never thought he'd be the man now. He's the biggest soul winner practically in our church.
Jennie- I want to talk about that because I know about that. A lot of people are getting saved around your town, and your son's a part of it and Phil's a part of it, and I think Christian Huff's a part of it. Let's talk a little bit about that story because that was a passion of Phil's. He just has been sharing Jesus with everybody always.
Miss Kay- What happened was, and this was his exact words. When he became a Christian he told me and the preacher: "What I want to do now is- All the people I help lead going to hell, I want to lead them now to Jesus. So I am on a campaign to convert everybody I've ever led out." That was his exact words and that's what he did.
Jennie- He went after them. There's not better evangelists than those that have just become Christians because the life change is evident to everyone that knew them, and they largely have a circle of unbelieving friends. We've seen that happen for people in our lives as well that when they change a lot of people change with them because it's compelling.
