Life in Kenya with Jey Mbiro
“We say ‘no hurry’ in Africa. What does that mean? It means I'm going to take life as it comes,” Jey describes the communal life in Kenya; a reflection of African communities.
I was born and raised in a place called
Mathare in Nairobi, Kenya.
Jey: I grew up in a single-parent family; my mom and my brothers. My mom was trying everything possible to put food on the table. The only job that she had that was there to sustain us was selling illicit liquor, which is called chang’aa.
She did that for a while. Then at some point, it became so hard for her to do it and we started having problems; lack of food (days without food), or even when you get food it wasn’t not quality, balanced food. Due to all those problems, I ended up living on the streets of Nairobi, which is the capital city of Kenya, and I became a beggar. I was begging to find anything to eat and then I'd take what I find back home to my family.
At this point, my mum had attempted suicide, and so we started living with my grandmother. We were not the only kids there; other cousins and aunts were staying with her and she didn't even have a job herself. Anytime I’d bring anything from the street, I would go home and feed all of those guys.
“If I went to the streets, and I didn't find anything, they would go to bed hungry.”
I was only 8 years old, so that became a challenge. It led me to think “What else can I do?” I joined a group of young people and I became a thief. At the age of nine, I was arrested and I went to prison.
Going into prison, as bad as it sounds, was much better than the alternative. That was probably my darkest moment; being in prison and not knowing what was going to happen next. I wanted to get out of prison and out of poverty. I knelt down in prayer and I prayed to God. I asked him for those two things; to get me out of prison and out of poverty. I didn't know how that was going to happen.
[God got me out of prison.]
But the other part was still hanging around. How am I going to get out of poverty? We still don't have anything to eat. That’s where Compassion came in.
The unique thing about Compassion is that it wasn't just the organization; it was the church because Compassion works with local churches in these communities. These churches come around and look for kids that need help. I was among those kids and I was enrolled in the program.
I became part of the Compassion family. They took care of me that took me back to school. Eventually, I got a sponsor who impacted me; telling me about life and godly living.
Now, I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm a father of two. I'm so happy that somebody took a chance and got me out of prison and poverty.
People Looking Out for Each Other, Even in the Slums
Jey: It was like an unwritten rule because we all understand what it is like. For example, if I'm talking about going to bed hungry. I know how that is. We live in a community whereby somebody would come and say they're hungry. We'll all understand that.
In my grandmother's house, it was not only the children that belonged to the family who ate there. Other children, who didn’t have anything or anywhere to eat, always knew they can come to eat from my grandmother's house. We could have a meal prepared for five plates, and then suddenly five more kids would come in for the same amount of food. The more the kids came, the more my portions were getting smaller.
“Today I look back and I feel that was such a blessing; that she could find a way of sharing whatever little thing that she had with everybody who was around.”
This wasn’t only happening in my family alone, it was something that was in the community. For us, we don't have to tell you that, “I'm coming to visit you”. I'll just show up at your house. If it's dinnertime, we'll all eat. So we learn to live in that community.
Culture Shift; Coming to the United States
Jey: One of the culture shocks was how people keep to themselves. In Kenya, I can just meet you and end up having a conversation for 1 hour even if we don’t know each other. Here, when you meet somebody and you start talking to them and they don't know who you are, it’s weird to them. They’ll be like, “Who are you? Why are you trying to be friendly?” Some people take you being friendly as though you want something out of them.
The other thing is sharing things. Americans love to give but there’s a difference between giving and sharing. Somebody can say, “I can give you this, have a drink” and another would say, “I'm going to drink half and then you drink the other half.” The latter is not common here.
People here let you know that you cannot interrupt their schedule. If you do, they can only give you a few minutes. For us, we are very interactive.
Coming from poverty, there's plenty in America. Even today, I feel bad when I see people who have a big plate of food that they don't finish. They are okay throwing away the food and I come from a place whereby you don't even have enough.
The biggest shift is how people don't live as a community.
“I know the power of the community. I know what the community can do working together. It's not a matter of how much I have, but how can we share?”
It's not only money. It’s also being together, and having conversations that lead to sharing what you’re going through. Out of that, we find ourselves very open-minded.
When we lived in California, one time a lady lost her husband. Then, we saw her on Sunday. She lost her husband a day or two before but then she's in church. I asked a lot of questions. What is she doing in church? Where I come from, we go to them because they just went through a big loss. We go to them and comfort them. In fact, every day there would be people in the house throughout until the burial and a few days after the burial.
You'd have just lost somebody; so there's a big vacuum. We can never fill the vacuum but just being there for them during that moment is good. When people come you laugh, you sing, you praise, worship and it won’t heal it, but at least it'll do something for you.
I was told here people like to keep it to themselves, especially in times of losing a loved one. They need their own time.
Jennie: Why is it so different in Nairobi?
Jey: People don't have everything and because of that, we have to stick together. There are a lot of groups that come together. In these groups, they contribute money each week and a different person receives the money every end month. If you're doing small businesses, at least you have something that you can start with.
When somebody passes on, we all gather together. We don't have life insurance. If there’s a huge hospital bill to be paid, we come together and take care of that.
If you're getting married, and your budget is about $20,000 and you don't have that, we come together and raise that.
“If there is something; a celebration or loss, we come together and help each other do that. I was born into that, and it has helped me.”
Jennie: Do you feel hopeless for America? Could we ever learn to live this way?
Jey: I wouldn’t use the word hopeless. However, there's something big that Americans miss by not bringing themselves to other people.
Someone might say, "I have a good job, a big family, or a good family. I don't need the community”.
Everybody at some point needs somebody else.
People don't even realize that they actually need that. You have to be open to that. Americans are very strict; you can’t come to my house without telling me. Well, you have to prepare me. Sometimes somebody comes in and you end up having a really nice conversation. It's those spontaneous conversations that actually make life.
First, we need to open ourselves to different cultures.
I noticed when I go to a church, it's an all-white church, and another one is an all-black church or all Asians. That’s not how the church is supposed to be; it should have a mix of everything.
Where do we find a place where we come together? How do I learn about Americans? For some reason, the world is supposed to live like an American because America is out there. How about America opening up?
Sponsoring a child is one way of learning about other cultures. Also, if you have children, take them around the world. If you can, visit your compassionate child with your children.
Make a friend who is from a different culture. Sometimes some of them might be uncomfortable, but how sure are you that they're not uncomfortable?
You can tell the difference between when I'm hanging out with another Kenyan and when I'm hanging out with an American. When I'm hanging out with an American, I'm reserved; trying to make sure that I don't do something that isn’t familiar to you. Well, can I be just an African with an American? Can the Americans be okay with me being an African among them? There's so much we can learn from each other.
If you're open to everybody, you can understand the cultural difference.
Jennie: Do you feel like loneliness is a problem in Kenya?
Jey: I wouldn't say Kenyans are lonely. If I go to Kenya, I don't even need to have plans. I can just wake up without a schedule and my day would be epic by the end of the day. I can go to a restaurant and we gather in one place as friends. It's not something that we plan but you'll find yourself in this place. There are some places I go to when I have time and want to talk to friends. I don't even have to tell them that I'm going to be there but some people will show up.
“I grew up poor, but I never grew up lonely.”
Looking back, the only sad part for me was not having food but before I come home to no food, I was outside playing soccer with my friends. I was running. I was so happy.
We can sit down and talk a lot about stuff that we'd never planned. It’s so much fun. With that, you're always excited to meet people and go out there.
Try Reading the Book with Friends
The book tells the story of a lot of different cultures. I've gotten exposure to how we were doing it wrong by seeing other cultures. My suggestion is that all of you read it together; gather your friends.
If a bunch of you do it together and say, “Let's try living this way, and see if it changes things”, it will change things. This is how my friends are and at first, it felt overwhelming and then I realized this is life; it's such a richer, better way to live.
