You Can't Fake Humility with Ruth Chou Simons
Ruth Simons is an author, artist, and business owner. She owns a company called GraceLaced, and recently came out with a book last September called Becoming and Beholding. I’ve had some really deep talks with Ruth, and she feels like one of my dear friends even though we haven’t clocked that much time together. It is such an honor to hear from her today. A lot of our conversations have existed in this little stratosphere of self-importance vs. humility and that’s why I wanted to have her on today!
Let’s go into the most recent episode of our friendship, which was IF:Gathering just a few weeks ago and talk about that experience for you.
Two or three weeks before IF:Lead in September, Jennie texts me and says, “what if you just spoke but also painted from stage? Like that one Instagram hyperlapse video I posted.” I’m like, I pre-recorded that thing and practiced like 22 times. You’re talking about giving me 12-15 minutes on stage to share the word of God and paint. Long story short, I did it. Because my heart is always to share the gospel, proclaim the truth, adorn the gospel with my artwork and never be about performing my artwork or showing that off. And I never want it to be a demonstration of art. I never wanted to make my skill or my talents the center piece. So I went scared onto that stage. The message I wanted to drill in was to remind them that we had a message to steward, and it was never about ourselves being the stars of our own show. It was never for us to proclaim ourselves on the platform he gives us. Then you asked me to do it in February again, and I said yes. I knew you guys would set it up right and I wouldn’t be dealing with a bunch of logistical craziness, but that’s what ended up happening. The chaos had nothing to do with stage crew or your team - they were perfect. It was the things you can’t foresee. I’m preparing for Romans 8:24-28 which is already a heavy four verses, and a lot of text to try to cover in a small amount of time with poignancy. I wanted to talk about how the Spirit helps us in our weakness. That even when you don’t have the words, the Spirit intercedes for us. Then the passage ends with, “for those who love God, all things work together for good.”
So a day before we were setting everything up, then an hour before I was setting up my paints. I didn’t time it quite right, because nothing ever goes exactly the way you expect. So we were running a tiny bit late, but I also had just never prepped paints at that level before. I was nervous they were going to dry out. I had envisioned this picture of light poking through the darkness. I was going to paint this storm and the idea of life being hard, but on the other side of it is Heaven. I had this idea of a sunrise or sunset, and the light breaking through the cloudy darkness. So I had all my colors set out, and I was working in acrylics. I sit down on stage and the very first stroke, I knew this was not going to go as planned. It felt like kid’s finger paints. So I thought, I might as well use my fingers and smear it around because that’s how it felt. It wouldn’t dry, so it wouldn’t layer. I wasn’t going to be able to express what was in my mind. The grief that came over me wasn’t about my painting, but that I genuinely in my heart wanted to express what I had envisioned and preach this message. But while I was doing that, I looked down at my notes, and I realized that the very heart of my message is that he works all things together for good. Even when it doesn’t turn out the way you want to. Even when he doesn't use you the way you expect it to. I thought my gifts were going to be used in a certain way. But then he uses them a different way. And I didn’t want to be that illustration. I wanted to paint that beautiful picture I had planned for. I spent a lot of hours and a good $80 on supplies planning for this great painting, but instead he used my fumbling and clumsiness through this awkward moment to portray this message that it’s not about the performance, it’s about the content.
I remember watching it all happen backstage and smiling so big because God had a plan. And the ripples of that moment on stage is so much greater in your weakness than in your strength, because everyone related. You were not only preaching it, but you were having to live it out. Everybody felt it and it was unforgettable. People 20 years from now will remember that moment, because it was so real and powerful. We always want to put down the card we like to be vulnerable with, but we don’t want to be completely transparent. That moment felt totally out of control for you, and that’s how most of our moments feel when God’s bringing about the work of humility in our lives. It is not pleasant, but that’s what happens in us and through us.
I remember on stage being so nervous and I started sweating so bad that my glasses fogged up and I couldn’t see my notes! I kept touching my glasses because I needed to vent them out. I already went on stage scared, because I knew this was physically hard. When I go look at the comments or the DMs, I mean there’s hundreds, I didn’t want for people to pat me on the back and tell me it’s alright. I did not want that. It was actually a really brave thing for me to post the finished product on my feed that I’ve been running for 7 years based on finished products that I’m proud of. I basically painted like a four year old for hundreds of thousands of people. The comments that came out of that made me so proud of the Lord. The responses were not, “Oh, that turned out so great!” or “We know you paint it’s okay.” It was truly like, “the Lord did what he needed to do in my life through what happened.”
It was a supernatural working of God, and I felt it backstage. I knew he was doing something! That transcends our plans, and it isn’t comfortable. But at the end of our lives, would we pick a life that had a supernatural power that God used? Or would we pick a life that was impressive and put together and perfect? All of us would pick the supernatural life God would use. But he moves supernaturally through our weakness, so it’s a conundrum! We don’t want it now, but at the end of our lives it’s something that we will want.
Humility is almost a posture that you have to practice before you’re called upon. Sometimes we think we’ll just know when to instantly have humility in our hearts. The reality is every single day, even when things are going amazingly well, to have a posture of “I deserve nothing.” You’re just at the Lord’s service. That sets us up to be ready for anything because you don’t know when you walk out of the door in the morning what he will do with you. I didn’t know that day on stage that he would take me at my word of “use me however you wish.” We forget that humility is a really costly thing. But the reward is so much greater than anything we could ever experience on our own.
I want to shift gears a little bit, because you have such a heart for discipleship, and I want you to talk about that.
I’m a mama to six boys. I’ve got one I’m sending one off to be a college freshmen next year as well as a six year old who’s learning to read. But at my organization, GraceLaced, I’ve got five women that I work with. So between the family and the business and the local church, I give a lot of my heart and I live everything out that I put online with the people right in front of me. There is a grounding there, because you can lose it really easily if you spend all your time online. If you give all your ministry to people who can’t check on your actual life. My kids are a good reminder to me that I have to live out those words I’m writing. I have to work it out with them. My kids check me, and they’re my accountability. And so are the women I work with. And so are the people in my local church. I love that discipleship has to start right in front of you. That’s whoever allows the Lord to be your circle of influence. Right now, those are my boys who need to see me work out the gospel in hard and good ways in front of them every single day.
I think you’re saying in both categories, whether it’s the IF:Gathering stage and your work or your mothering and your life on a local level, God is producing humility. We don’t have to muscle that into place. He’s excellent at producing humility. If we try to produce humility in our own lives, it comes off as very false and almost pretend. It’s like we’re trying to appear humble rather than actually walking humbly with God.
Being an artist, I’m always creating things and it’s really easy to be in awe of my own work. Not because I think I’m so great, but because you’re always staring at it. You can kind of focus all the time on your own production and productivity and that can be in any field. As a mom, I could put all my worth into how my kids are turning out. Humility comes when we realize how much I really am doing all those things in weakness and God is graciously using me in spite of everything that I don’t have quite right. The bigger view I have of God, the more I end up being grateful for everything I get to do. Whether that’s getting to read a book to that little one and work on phonograms, or share from a stage in Dallas with a couple thousand of my friends. Whatever he’s called us to, you get to remember that he’s working in us and through us despite all that he has to grow and sanctify in us. I say it a lot, but I’ve never said it on this podcast, so I’ll say it again, but I do think we all have access to really great ways in which God draws our attention to his greatness every day. You have access to a sunrise, an incredible piece of music, whatever it is. It is a reminder that he is so much bigger and more creative than you. I have to expose myself to those things morning, noon, night, all day long. Because it’s just easy to be preoccupied with myself.
That’s when I see your life and your ministry and you just really like God. You really like displaying him through art, words, parenting. That’s your passion.
You and I are similar in that it’s a war for me. I don’t naturally like God or my Bible. It’s in that way you’re calling us to fill our minds with truth and not lies from the enemy. I’m constantly creating a narrative in my life where I am number one and the center of my life and the center of my universe. I really have to fight for what my heart loves and worships. I really do love God and I like him too, but I’ve had to develop a taste for day after day.
You’re right. Thank you for dispelling that. I think we do sometimes think it’s easier for some people than others, but it’s always a choice and a fight. I also want to take some time to talk about your experience as an Asian American woman and what tensions does that bring to your life. And also what beauty and perspective has that given you?
I’ve grown up with a lot of expectations - some are spoken, some are not spoken. There is an expectation to be amazing that you don’t owe anybody anything, you’re always #1, you’re the best of the best. Sometimes in my cultural background, there is a need to prove yourself. Beyond academics or achievements, I started realizing how much I was trying to pay God back for the grace I received from him. For all of us no matter your cultural background, there’s a desire to achieve our way to acceptance. I love that as an Asian American woman, I am challenged by the gospel to see my citizenship in Heaven. When our identity is in Christ, I can live and be more free in all that the Lord has created me as an Asian American woman. Now I’m able to share my story more uniquely and the way I can share how much the gospel means to me. I realize the grace given to me is costly, and I don’t have to pay him back by good behavior or achievements.
That changes everything! That’s a whole different way to live. So much of the anxiety that we fight has to do with that one belief not being in place. I’m not talking about mental illness - we’ve talked about that a lot on the podcast. I’m just talking about worries, the nagging worries that come up everyday. To some degree, that constant worry and fear is somewhat solved as God gets bigger and bigger. What you’re saying right now Ruth, that focus, when that’s the consuming thing in my life, everything else gets a little bit dimmer after that. I can let go of those things. I don’t have to achieve, I don’t have to make everything work out for me here.
That idea of self-importance feels almost silly and small after that. Scripture says we’re like grass that withers and dies. Nothing about being a human lasts very long, espeically in light of eternity. There’s just a different way to live. It’s turning from self-importance and turning to worship and in awe of this God. Humility is a byproduct of that.
We’re a culture that’s pretty obsessed with self evaluation, analyzing our personalities, etc. I’m all for that for the sense of relational dynamics and how you work - those are great tools. Sometimes we’re so crazy invested in figuring out who we are in terms of how we fit in society. Early as an Asian American woman, I realized I don’t communicate like everyone else. That’s my personality, maybe that’s my Asian heritage - I come in quiet and am not as bold in sharing my opinions. Those are things that are cultural that maybe bring me into the space differently. But those traits and even my cultural background are ways God can use me. He’s the author of every race, ethnicity, and nuance of personality.
I want you to talk to people that are listening that want a different way. They are so tired and exhausted from trying to prove their worth. What would you say to them?
Self forgetfulness doesn't happen overnight. The gospel, the person of Jesus, and the redemption story grip us in such a way that we kind of obsess over him. We think about him all day long. It’s not that suddenly all your problems and worries go away, but it puts everything in perspective in a way I think we underestimate. The self forgetfulness part starts with being really clear about who we are in Christ. We talk a lot about it, but I think we have to rehearse that and remember it because we’re so forgetful. Rehearsing and remembering that sets us up for a pattern to renew our minds. It changes the way we think of things. In the same way, we can fall into a pattern of obsessing about ourselves all day long. In Romans 12 I think Paul is ultimately reminding us that we have a new pattern. He came to transform your life. In Christ, you are not who you used to be. He’s making all things new, including you. Starting there helps you not just want to do a little bit of self-improvement today, but it makes you really long for total transformation. And you can’t get that on your own, so it puts Jesus center stage.
