Close: Living in Deep Community
How can you build a life of courage and connection? Looking back at Genesis before the fall of man, how did Adam and Eve live in perfect bliss? What did it look like for them to relate to each other and God?
I found FIVE PATTERNS in the midst of looking at other villages throughout history. I pulled the five patterns from that season in the bible and from the way people do it now.
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No. 1 - P R O X I M I T Y
Something is amazing about being close to people. The image for this is fire. I pulled each of the images from village life and how people have lived throughout generations from the beginning of time until the Industrial Revolution.
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No. 2 - T R A N S P E R A N C Y
We should live with open doors. I went to Africa and throughout the rural parts of Africa, people don’t have doors. They live in little villages with huts without doors and they're in each other's lives. They're around those fires.
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No. 3 - A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y
This is something we shy away from today. We think it’s a negative word. On the contrary, it’s the most life-changing word.
“Be accountable to a few people, not the whole world; not everybody's opinions, but a few people that know you well and are helping you love God.”
The image for this is an anvil that you see in certain generations. It represents the idea of apprenticeship and that people are learning how to follow in other people's footsteps. Also, it communicates the idea of iron sharpens iron found in scripture. You see it throughout the Bible; people in relationships with others and growing up in the faith.
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No. 4 - S H A R E D P U R P O S E
There's a mission in your life and it doesn't have to be something super spiritual. It can be playing bridge like my mom and her friends. They go to their bridge club and show love to people. Apart from being excellent at playing bridge, they are leaders.
It could also be a deeper mission in that you're looking for ways to connect with other people and to have a purpose in your friendships.
The image for this is a shovel. Throughout history, agriculture is a huge part of the story. People worked together, hunted together, and grew together. They take care of each other.
This idea of a shared purpose and being on a mission together is very bonding and deepens our friendships.
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No. 5 - C O N S I S T E N C Y
For this the image is a table; you're consistently coming together. You’re not giving up on each other even when it gets hard; you're continuing to meet together.
The scripture says, “As long as it is called today you should encourage each other and meet together so that you're not hardened by sin’s deceitfulness”.
We choose each other even when it gets hard and we keep choosing each other. Let’s get more into the first pattern; proximity.
Proximity
I have an incredible friendships with several people. We have been through a lot of things together. In fact, we have a shared purpose, live transparently, talk about our issues, hold each other accountable, and are consistent. Many of us have been friends for 10 years. I have long-distance friends as well.
When I moved to Dallas, one of the things I thought I needed to pursue was proximity. I couldn't just lean on those friends that are in different states or cities. I had to choose and find friends close.
Five Friends, Five Miles
I looked for five friends within five miles so that we would run into each other at the grocery store. All of this came from going to Italy and seeing people live in the community; smoking together outside the little cafe for hours and sharing life together.
The little grocery store was stocked full of perishable goods. We walked in and everybody asked: Who are you? What are you doing here? We were the strangers in that little village; they all knew each other. They all shopped together and they were keeping tabs on each other.
I wanted that; I wanted a life where we would run into each other at the grocery store. That’s the world we’ve built here and it is it's unbelievable. There’s a downside to that but all the downsides to me are upsides.
“We have a lot of people that know us well and are committed to us. We live life known and knowing the people around us.”
That's not to say all of my friends live within five miles. Some of my dear friends live 20 minutes away, and that's okay. But I have those people around the corner that are checking on me and my kids. They’re in my life today and we make a habit of being together often.
Proximity is Biblical
Most of the Bible is built for a group in a specific location of just a few miles. When Jesus came, his ministry was largely focused around the Sea of Galilee. I thought the Sea of Galilee was very large. It's not; you can see across it. It’s more like a lake.
In the New Testament with Jesus, everywhere he went recruiting disciples, doing ministry and healing, was walkable or reachable by boat. All of it was pretty close. Yet from those little villages, the world changed, the church was birthed and all of the eternity changed. We underestimate; the power of proximity of a few people doing life together.
“We’ve lost the magic of being there for each other; showing up with a casserole. That has to happen in proximity.”
For example, I love Ann Voskamp so much. We have released books together and we've been friends for over a decade. We are deep; we know what's going on in each other's lives. In the last 10 years, we have walked through a lot of hard together. We've cried a lot of tears together.
There have been at least a dozen times that I would have cut off my arm to get her a casserole. We'll sit there together on the front porch, I'll bring a casserole and we'll cry together and hug. We’ll be there for each other. She's in Canada. For the last few years, I’ve been able to travel to Canada. We see each other often. However, it’s not the same as my friend that is three blocks from here. Lindsey can bring me something right away. It’s not the same as my small group that’s within a few blocks from here.
Make New Friends and
Keep Old Ones
[We need both.]
It’s okay if a lot of your college friends are still your best friends. Keep them but think of the Girl Scout song; make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.
You need to have friends who live close to you. Some of you have missed the people that are right in front of you because you thought you don't have everything in common. You need someone who can show up at your front door when you're sad. Choose it. Look for it and you’ll find it.
Maybe you live a bunch of acres away. I've read the best stories of people like you that send invitations to all the people that live in their little town or village. Invite them over for a night and have a bible study or just a great dinner together. They’re lonely too.
Even if you're spread out and not in some urban setting, you can still bring people together. Also, they don't have to be in your life stage. They don't have to be exactly like you for them to be a good friend and for you to have a connection.
Remember, we're trying to build a village and out of that village, hopefully, 2 to 4 friends pop up as your inner circle.
“One of the biggest ways to build the village is initiating. You have to reach out, and invite in.”
Even if you face a lot of rejection, in the beginning, keep trying. Eventually, someone will be so grateful that you invited them.
