What We All Can Learn from Indian & Latino Cultures with Helen Muddamalle & Layla De La Garza
Capture the depth, richness, and beauty of other cultures in the world that do deep connections and meaningful relationships differently and frankly.
[We have a lot to learn from them.]
Helen Muddamalle:
Indian Culture
Helen: I grew up in India in a small town. My parents are missionaries in India. I was born in 1962 and got married in 1984. I came to the United States in 1985.
I landed in Chicago and went to nursing school in Chicago for two years. I had my Bachelor's in Science and Master's in Education when I came. Then, I embarked on nursing school and a Bachelor's in Nursing Education. Then I had Joel and after five years I had my twins. Life got busy and I got my master's 11 years ago. I'm currently a nurse practitioner.
Community Differences in America Versus India; How People Did Life Together
Helen: My mother came to the United States in 1976. She stayed in Kansas in a small town with a pastor's family. She thought the American community was good and she felt welcomed, and people loved her.
When I came to America, I was almost 22. I was one month pregnant and about 90 pounds. I had 2 big suitcases. My mom gave me this picture of America as people who is very helpful. Standing there not one soul helped me to get the luggage out. That was my first cultural shock.
“In India, people will just come, chime in and help. Especially if a girl is stranded, the men will come running to help.”
I was thinking: “Who should I ask for help?” Then, one gentleman came and helped me. I was so thankful for that.
In India, What Did It Look Like
Day In & Day Out?
Helen: My mom came from a big family. She had nine siblings. We were so close. We don't call them cousins; they're all sisters to me. We didn’t know the term cousin. When I came to this country, I was told: That's not your brother it's your cousin. We don't have that difference.
That was difficult for me; I left all my age mates, my cousins, my sisters, and my brothers. We shared so many things. We played together and spent vacations together and that was a beautiful thing. I still miss them and I call them even today, very frequently and we keep in touch.
Coming here, I was alone at that time. Things were different. We did not have telephone facilities or WhatsApp. Communication was with letters at that time.
Festivities in India
Helen: Weddings are a big thing in India. We do a whole week of celebration. Every evening somebody will take you on a bridal shower. It’s actually a shower. They put turmeric and different kinds of condiments that they grind. Similar to how they prepared Esther for her meeting with the king. They prepare the girl for seven days.
Then, every evening is a big celebration with singing. An elderly lady gives you instructions and prays over you while preparing you for the big day.
Birthdays are a big thing too in my family. I missed that intimacy; sharing, laughing, and spending vacations together.
Boundaries; was that even a word in India?
Helen: I don't think we had it. However, nowadays with people working and making more money things have changed a little bit. They're becoming silent, just like in America; not embracing people.
“Before, in India, nobody had to call you or knock on the door. They could just come in and say: we are here. We had food at all times.”
Anybody who comes in, we have to give dinner or breakfast depending on the time they come in.
Currently, things have changed. We are not cooking at home. When people come, they're still feeding them but they order food from outside.
What could we do differently to build that community better and learn from the way that you were raised?
Helen: I'm a nurse practitioner and I visit a lot of elderly people. I saw a guy two days ago and he did not have any family. He was so rough and he wanted to bite anybody who entered the door. Something had changed in him. He wasn’t like this last year.
He said; “I don't have anybody excited about this and I don't have my relatives I don't have friends. I don't have anybody. I cannot drive nobody wants to take me to the doctor. Nobody's there for me to help.”
Why? Maybe he did not maintain relationships. I cannot judge that. Maybe he did not have anybody and I see a lot of people with nobody to fall back on. Maybe they set boundaries: This is my comfort zone and I don't want anybody in this circle. The American people should have an open mind and embrace people.
In India, we put a lot of emphasis on relationships. It does not matter whether a person hurts you, over time you forgive.
It may be too hard, but you don't put too hard boundaries. People change over time. I'm not saying that you should be vulnerable and get into that trap again, but at least give them a chance to come back and build that relationship.
[Be open-minded, let people into your circle,
and be the friend you want to have.]
Do We Have to Let More People in Even After They Hurt Us?
Do We Always Have to Have Open Doors?
Helen: Some dangerous people are in our lives. I'm not saying you should continue those relationships that will harm you in any way.
Give grace to people who ask for forgiveness or even if they don't ask. Peace comes over you. Keep the harmful people at bay and be safe but don't shun them completely.
You need to have different layers of people that you can rely on. If you want to go to the hospital, you’ll call your immediate inner circle person.
Sometimes with our attitudes, we push people away. So everybody's scared. Also, people who don't have friendships often live in fear that somebody will take advantage of them. This fear is crippling people.
Layla De La Garza:
Mexican Culture
Layla: I was born in Monterrey, Mexico, and this is where I live. I've lived here my whole life and I'm the youngest of 5 siblings. One of my brothers lives in Mexico City. The rest of us live in Monterrey. We live close to each other. One of my brothers and sister share land and I live in the older neighborhood. I can see their homes from my room and we yell to each other. We go out there knowing we have family around.
Families in Mexico
Layla: It's Mexican culture. I have friends from all over Latin America. We’ve adopted 3 families: Cuba, Venezuela, and Argentina. They spend every Sunday with us in my big family. We spend Christmas, holidays, and birthdays together.
They tell us that they felt weird when they came to Mexico for the first time because everyone was like: “Come inside my house and you can take whatever you want from my fridge.” That's Mexican, and that's Latin people.
“We love being with family, living our lives with other people, and making them part of our lives.”
Usually, you’d expect to have kids and they grow up and go on their own way but in Mexico, that's not the case. You bring your husband, wife, and your kids into the family. That's why, for example in my family we always are about 24 to 25 people.
Raising a Child; Benefits of Having Aunts, Uncles, & Grandparents as a Part of Your Kids’ Lives
Layla: My son was born on December 17. He was only a week old and he was at my parents’ house with my whole family; 24 people plus my Argentinian family, and Venezuela family. It was loud.
Now that I'm a mom, I love seeing him find love and affirmation in other people that are not me. I'm glad that he's going to grow up surrounded by people who will love him and remind him that Jesus is his friend and that God loves him.
Also, I work full time. Sometimes it's hard for me because I have him and he wants to be with me all the time. I find it practical that my sister and my brother live in my neighborhood and he can go and play with them. I know he will be taken care of the way I would take care of him. I know that he's going to be loved. It’s good for him to see how other families interact because even though we are close to each other, every family is different.
I love having in my circle of friends and family, people that are either older than me or younger than me because I learn from both. I learn from people who have older kids and how they lived their lives with their kids when they were toddlers.
“We have this lie that we can do everything on our own. That asking for help would make us look weak. It’s not true at all. It makes us stronger and healthier.”
It helps us sometimes to just breathe. I need some time for my relationship with Jesus without my son singing. I need a cup of coffee and time for reading my Bible. If a friend or a family member can help me with that, it would be amazing.
When it comes to unity, Jesus is the perfect example. He asked His friends for prayer, like: “Can you pray with me? Can you stay up?” Sometimes we need those friends who can stay up with us in the middle of the night when we want to find answers.
We need to know that we have someone on our side either praying for us or touching our backs and saying it's going to be okay.
Jesus had that and if He asked for that, He knew that we needed that. He exemplifies that perfectly. Jesus had people with Him on His path and He would share his meals. He celebrated with people at weddings and other celebrations but He would also cry with people. We get served but we also serve. We find love, but we also get to love.
Boundaries: Do You Have Boundaries
in Your Family?
Layla: It’s hard because we let everyone in. Also, once you get married, you don’t make your own family. You make a bigger family.
We need to learn boundaries for relationships and for decision-making. However, it's interesting because anyone can come in; making people a part of our story is our everyday life.
How Often Will You See Your
Family and Friends?
Layla: In my family, after church, we eat together. My parents, brothers, sisters, and in-laws live here. It would be one Sunday with the in-laws and one Sunday with my parents.
We go to our parents’ house on Thursdays. My mom cooks for everyone and serves all of us. We all get together from 2pm to 5pm or 6pm; to spend time together, eating together at the table, and just sharing jokes or what's been going on in our family.
I have Mondays with my girls. Every week I have my day with my friends. The number depends on how big you want to do it. I've had 25 to 30 friends and I've had like 7.
Well, you can also be a part of a small group, which meets every week too. Your small group can be made of your people, who you choose to do life with, like to grow spiritually.
The Positive Repercussions of That
Layla: Even now in COVID, we've been to my friend's funerals or parents’ funerals; we need to be there. We weren't supposed to hug each other but we're Latinos. We’re huggers, and we're like: “I know I can’t do this but I'm going to hug you.”
It was these deep hugs where you felt that you were serving the other person who was suffering from a hug. It’s that powerful.
It’s better to do life with other people. It's energizing. Sometimes it's tiring because you will never ask someone to leave your house until they want to go. You can end up talking with people or having kids over until it's late.
“However, in sadness and unhappiness, we've found that it's better when you're with people; when you have a circle.”
THE BOTTOM LINE
We were built for community and to be out of our comfort zones. We were made to fly, find a way and do life with other people, not alone.
I invite you to get out of your comfort zone and try it out.
It might be uncomfortable and sometimes tiring but it's part of our purpose.
IT’S WORTH IT.
