Sixty Days Alone in the Wilderness of Mongolia with Sam Larson
If we put our hope in people, they're going to disappoint us every time. However, if our hope and relational needs are met by God, then we get to be in a whole different type of relationship with people. We end up feeling grateful for the things our friends do, rather than entitled.
Sam Larson’s Experience
“I always thought that it would be a great idea for me to be alone in the wilderness.”
Sam: I started working for a big outdoor company as a guide. Then I got this phone call from a TV production company. They said, “We're looking for people to do a new reality show”. It's completely self-filmed. They said they were to drop someone alone in the wilderness with 10 survival items. There were 10 individuals; all far and in separate areas of the wilderness. Essentially, it was a competition show to see who can last the longest.
I flew to New York and did an in-person audition and they assessed our survival skills. I passed and they flew us to British Columbia to film the first season of the show alone. I ended up getting the second place that time.
I had no idea what was going on back home, with the show or with other contestants. I was there alone and isolated. The only interaction I had during this time is that twice a day, I’d pick up my little beacon device, enter generic text and send. That was my human interaction.
Well, they check on you about every 10-15 days. They’ll come out with a doctor and a producer. That’s only a 20-minute interaction. People coming to visit probably gave some comfort to me but it messed me up for the entire day. You're just getting used to being alone and in your comfort zone. Then these people come in, but they’re only there because you're doing a TV show. They’re not there to be your friends.
For season 2, we went to Mongolia and I was there for 60 days. They put you in a helicopter, take you up and circle around to get you confused. Then they fly to your designated location. It’s completely random.
Surviving in the Wild Alone
Sam: When you land, they drop you out of a helicopter and you're completely alone. I freaked out and took 1-3 weeks to relax, get into the solo living zone, and just slow down.
My first day was just walking around and I climbed to the top of the tallest mountain I could find, to look over and see what was there. It was completely foreign to me. After the first couple of weeks, you forget that there's a show. Out there by yourself, your worldview changes pretty quick.
The better your internal dialogue, the better you'll do on your own. I’d have ideas spinning around in my head all day. To some extent, that can be addicting because you come into the normal world and you're interrupted by texts, a phone call, or a stoplight. It’s annoying.
I ate some snails, minnows, a few plants that I foraged, grasshoppers, and ants. It got really bad; I ate Eurasian voles, mice, and leeches.
What kept me going was that I wanted to be known as the guy who won. I prayed about that a lot. That was part of my goal of being out there.
There were other things I kept in mind every day as well. Every day was a new adventure and I wanted adventure every single day. I’d never know what I was going to learn the next day unless I stayed out there.
“It was really hard. I never felt lonely, but I felt very homesick. I didn't just want people around me; I wanted specific people. I wanted people who I love.”
Feeling of Emptiness
Sam: This whole idea turned out to be a little bit damaging because my entire goal was to be autonomous and to be self-reliant. I was chasing the most inner human desires of being safe, and comfortable and defending myself against getting hurt; trying to be happy and feel good.
I remember thinking there's a real benefit of just being me and some sled dogs out in the wilderness. It sounds good. You're free to do whatever you want.
However, what plagued me is the idea that I wouldn't be in complete control of my life. Someone can't read the New Testament and still feel that being alone is okay; to feel like “I can be by myself and still serve the Lord”.
A lot of the insecurities I had were just me not wanting to rely on Christ. I had to be the winner of this survival show; this really cool survival guy. I quickly realized that I won this survival show, but I felt empty. There's nothing to fill that.
I was like, “Lord, you gave me exactly what I want but then I felt completely helpless and completely uncomfortable.” I caught myself being really attached to other people's opinions about me. I’d hear something and my blood would boil.
Out There Alone, but Very Connected to People & God
Sam: I prayed a lot; multiple times a day. I prayed for a long time at night, which was a lot easier than it is now. When the sun went down at 4pm, you could sit by the fire and just pray.
Not always were my prayers aligned correctly. A lot of my prayers were in fear. I was terrified that something was going to happen back home; that my wife might get into a car accident. Anytime the crew was like, “Here's a message” I’d think something horrendous happened. I was also terrified that someone on the show was going to die, especially when it got very cold.
I’d have good prayers too; I’d pray for everyone individually. People do not want to be alone but it was a huge benefit for me to be alone. I would just slow down and think about things that comforted me. I’d plan a big canoe trip with my son or plan day nature camps for kids; planning in my head.
I thought to myself if I could have a meal with one person alive or dead, it was going to be my dad. Coming to the realization of that, was a big deal for me.
“You can ask yourself big questions when no one's interrupting. In a busy world, it's very hard to be vulnerable because you can rely on being interrupted.”
The first thing that happened to me in the first few days is I remembered what a jerk I was to people. Every single terrible thing you did in your life comes back to sort of haunt you.
If you're a follower of Christ, you can die to your sin, and you can live in Christ. That’s a huge struggle.
Fighting Thoughts That Aren't From God; Feelings of Condemnation
Sam: What was from God is the feeling of what I care about and what I'm most thankful for. I’d pick something to be thankful for every single day.
There was one day when I hadn't eaten in a very long time, I had gathered a bunch of herbs, dried them out, and stored them in my backpack. I pulled them out, heat up some water, and had a little herbal tea for my meal that day. I remember thinking; ‘I have to align my mind to be thankful for this tea’.
Then there were mice running across my feet as I was sitting there drinking the tea. At the same time, everything was slow. I could just sit there and have the freedom to think and appreciate the opportunity.
Amazingly, the thing that let me stay up there that long was the Lord aligning my head in the correct way; where I could be thankful for the small things.
Bottom Line
Sam: It took a long time to react to the noise and to be around people again. However, some of the best days I've ever had were days when it was just me and my wife.
We had two days in Mongolia right after I got out. I had this amazing time where I could reconnect without any distractions. On top of that, she had brought this entire tray of snack bars from my mother with our secret family recipe. It came down to me just needing time with my loved ones where there were no distractions.
