Confessional Community with Ann Voskamp and Jessica Honegger
After Find Your People came out, a group of women in my life came together and started something we call Confessional Community. Had this group started before the pages of the book were written, it would’ve certainly been included.
This incredible sisterhood has changed my life forever, and for the better.
So, now you might be wondering, “what does Confessional Community look like?”
How did it all start?
It all started awhile back when seven women took a retreat out to Jessica’s parents’ ranch. Together, we all decided to take a first step in creating a safe space for each other. We did this intentionally because we wanted more out of our realtionships with one another.
We wanted more from one another, but we had been holding our cards back. So, we decided to take a step to go deeper in our realtionships. Since then, we haven’t looked back.
After the retreat was over, we tossed around the idea of not making this a one-time thing, but continuing what we had done that weekend. At first, we were worried that we would be putting a “demand” on each other, and we were worried that every one might be too busy for this.
But that wasn’t the case. We realized that the group wanted to commit. We all started talking about what it would look like to have a safe, consistent, and very vulnerable place for each other. And from there, it grew.
We had questions like, “what does it look like to step into a confessional community? Do we all have to confess? Is it safe?” But ultimately, what we had all been looking for was to find our people that we could have a deep connection and true intimacy with.
We quickly learned that we wouldn’t get to intimacy unless we took the road of vulnerability.
Confessional Community in practice.
A lot of what we’ve accomplished together is imaginative work. We’ve gone back to many of our childhood wounds together and tried to help each other overcome the traumas we faced. We invited each other to these deep places where we previously felt alone. And together, we’ve reimagined what it’s like to be alone, and instead, we’ve imagined having a community around us in those moments to rewrite them.
For example, with the help of the confessional community, Ann has worked through one of her bad childhood memories on the playground. When we worked through the trauma together, we had her imagine Jesus and the whole group being with her in that moment. When she imagined it this way, she realized that the kids that had bullied her faded out of her memory.
Together, we continue to work through similar stories. We confess these stories out loud, in real-time. It's brave.
Sharing our vulnerable stories.
When we first started this Confessional Community, we each took 20 minutes to share our vulnerable stories with the community. Some of us shared things we had never said out loud to anybody.
Through this practice, we’ve realized how tender and vulnerable every part of our stories are.
This was a challenging and vulnerable moment for the group. We wept together. It felt like we had gone back in time with each other, and we realized that we wish we had been there for each other at those times. We wish we could’ve been there in the hard moments to tell each other that they aren’t alone, and they are loved.
Being completely open and vulnerable with one another was, and still is, a really powerful experience.
What it takes to have a Confessional Community.
You don’t need a professional leadership mentor to start your own Confessional Community. All you need is a simple group of people that decide to come together, be there for each other, and be incredibly honest about their stories with each other.
Some of the guardrails to such a community could include:
A commitment to be vulnerable.
A commitment to be safe.
A commitment to be confidential.
A commitment to be committed.
A commitment to always show up.
You don’t need to have daily or even weekly meet-ups. You could meet that often, or you could even meet once a month. You could also share with each other through different mediums such as groups texts and phone calls. But most importantly, it’s essential to prioritize the group and your time together.
It’s important that everyone commits to do everything they can to make it to the meetings.
After we’ve make and held these commitments to each other, we can all look back and say that this group has changed all of us, forever. We’re now taking what we’ve learned into our other friendships too. Together, we’ve gotten in a habit of speaking truth to each other and fighting against holding hurts or bitterness against each other.
A Confessional Community is unique in the sense that it is set apart for the purpose of growth.
We don’t fix each other’s problems.
We don't jump to solve each other’s problems. Instead, we listen to each other. We hear each other’s stories, and we share with each other how it feels to hear their story.
We assure each other that we will sit with them through their pain. We tell each other, “I see you.” We offer each other what we call “with-ness and witness.” We are in the room with you, and we see you. We assure each other that we are not alone, and we are not forsaken. We assure each other that we see the parts of each other that we may feel ashamed and embarrassed of, but we remind each other that we love each other. We do this because this is who Jesus is to us.
We’re continually reminding one another that we’re not alone, we’re not abandoned, and we’re not forsaken.
In some cases, community is what has traumatized us. But it's also in community that we find healing. So, even though it can be terrifying, we decided to go back to the community that God created us to be a part of.
Show up.
Showing up for each other comforts and assures us that we aren't alone. We can do this. Have a text thread that is active every day. Do you best to respond thoughtfully.
It’s really beautiful when women share something like, “I'm walking into a doctor's office,” or “I'm walking into a therapy session,” or even, “I'm doing something challenging with my kids.” When we share the “SOS” type of texts with each other, we know that person needs the group. And together, we get to respond to that person so they don’t feel alone.
Amongst the community, there should be a sense that no matter what, someone will always show up for you.
Let’s commit to one another.
Want to jump in with us?
Grab your copy of Find Your People and download the free book club guide today!
